They always told me I couldn’t do it, I’d never be able to achieve my dreams. It isn’t possible for someone round here to do it, we’re not meant to be successful, we’re supposed to stay like this all of our lives, feeling sorry for ourselves, knowing our place in society. You listen because you think that they’re wise, they’ve seen it all, they know what they are talking about. They had been in your shoes, they had tried and failed and now they don’t want you to waste your time doing the same. Yeah, wise, been there and done that.

Then you get old and you become rebellious, who are they to tell me what I can and can’t do? What I can and can’t dream of doing? Everyone has dreams, places they want to see, things to achieve. It might be difficult but you can still do it. Why does everyone have to be the same? They just don’t have the same desire as you. You’re still trying to be persuasive though, you think you’re persuading them, but really you’re trying to persuade yourself, you’re not telling them they are wrong, you’re telling yourself that they are wrong but really you’re not sure.

Youthful hopes and dreams slowly turn into fatigue and struggle. You knew it would be difficult, but you didn’t think it’d be this difficult. Perhaps it isn’t worth it after all, maybe you are destined for a life of struggle and knowing your places. Those dreams can be happy memories from childhood when you were young, innocent, naive, didn’t realise the realities of the world. You’re not content, you just are, you do what you have to do to get by, aspirations don’t go beyond that. You start to look at young children and you’re thinking the same way as those who were telling you not to try when you were a kid.

When it’s all over, when there is nothing left to hope for, when the years of struggle and hardship you were told you were destined to live have been lived, you look back and wonder why you didn’t try that bit harder, why didn’t you believe in yourself? You know it could have been different if you really had wanted it to be. You just didn’t believe enough, or you did believe, you believed in what they told you, you never really had a grasp of them dreams and now there is nothing you can do. You lived how they told you you would, deep down you believed them and not yourself, it was all just a self fulfilling prophecy.

3 thoughts on “Believe

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